How’s your relationship together with your mate? Your children? Your parents? Your siblings? It may be reliant on the state on the “love tank”.
Author Gary Chapman in the book The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate believes people have a love tank, understanding that tank is filled by different love languages. These five languages are Gifts, Words of Affirmation, Quality of Time, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch.
Often, we have a tendency to give love within the languages we have been most fluent in, which will ends up being the languages that complete our love tank. This would be why a husband who yard work, dishes, car maintenance, etc. (Acts of Service) is floored when his wife says “You never show me you like me. You never cuddle by himself, or caress my hair, or make first move for sex.” (Physical Touch). Or, “Why would you spend time when camping? Why do you’re working so much?” (Quality Time). And, “Why now don’t you buy me flowers? Why now don’t you ever get me cards or balloons…even if?” (Gifts) Or “You never identify what I mean to you personally. Why not ever share with me at night what I mean for your requirements, or what my good qualities are?” (Words of Affirmation) But, if her language is primarily Acts of Service, she’ll feel so loved and honored because her husband does so several things for her, thereby feels “full” in their own love tank.
This might not sound like a problem, but thinking about the divorce rates are 50% (jointly relationship instance), therefore many look like unhappy using primary relationships, the technique of love languages might be a signficant aspect in understanding self as well as others, plus in relationship growth. Perhaps relationships get rocky or come to an impasse because individuals are speaking some other love language compared to what fills the “love tank” in the object in their affection…as well as a result, the recipient doesn’t feel loved. It’s not that they can feel empty and unfufilled because love isn’t being given, but since the language “spoken” just isn’t something that registers on the recipient like a form of love.
Chapman further theorizes we usually have 2 main love languages that refill our tank. He also says that in case a person has a tough time identifying their main love languages, they’ve either experienced empty for that long and are from touch using needs, or they are so filled up by their spouse, that 5 languages have a tendency to speak to them equally.
A story inside book that illustrates the love tank theory will be the “burnt toast syndrome”. A woman was sick during intercourse. Her husband would always bring her burnt toast to her when she was ailing. She am hurt and offended with that repeated insensitivity and ignorance, that they finally burst into tears some day, and asked him why he did that…and didn’t he care? She was floored to listen to him say “I’m sorry honey. I had no idea. Burnt toast is my personal favorite, and I gave you what I would consider the best breakfast…burnt toast.”
Chapman writes: “When your spouse’s emotional love tank is full and hubby feels secure inside your love, depends upon looks right plus your spouse will re-locate to reach his highest potential in your everyday living. But when the love tank is empty and the man feels used although not loved, the world looks dark and hubby will likely never reach his risk of good inside the world.”
I recommend this book highly. It could rather be a relationship saver!